There is nothing wrong with being a first draft.
By definition, a first draft is the rough attempt at a finished, polished piece of work or art. I know no one who can claim to be a finished, perfectly polished version of themselves.
As humans we are always changing, always growing, always making mistakes.
A first draft is a place to spill out ideas without the need to worry about the final product. It is a place to be creative, it is a place to make mistakes, it’s a place to explore. A first draft is messy and painful, but there can be no final product without going through the growing pains of a first draft.
A first draft is incomplete, it needs to be nurtured. This is the time to edit and delete what no longer works. This is the time to expand and embellish the best parts. There is room for refinement.
We can choose to follow the outline or throw it out and start over if the path no longer fits. We can research and rewrite until we are satisfied. In the first draft we are finding our way through the story, not knowing where it will lead.
There is no shame in the incomplete, still evolving self. Keep editing, keep polishing, keep creating until you are happy with the result.
Embrace your first draft.